[I think it’s unfair that my articles rank so highly in the search engines because my site is well-organized and somewhat frequently updated. Last year I wrote a little note about a snack food and I suddenly started to get loads of traffic from people searching for Dunk-a-roos. I deleted that article and the snack-food seekers eventually stopped finding me in the search engines. Now I want to be popular for obscure things again. – Andy]
This is how I like to make a tuna sandwich. You can call it a recipe. Start with a fishing boat. Go out into the ocean where tuna fish swim. Pluck one out of the water, being careful not to hurt any dolphins. If you hurt a dolphin, his friends will tell Greenpeace and they’ll crash their boats into yours. Luckily the tuna haven’t found out how to grow marijuana and give it to Greenpeace as graft. Dolphins are cleverer.
Now that you have your tuna, you’ll want to take it to the cannery. I don’t know how to can a tuna, so I assume you don’t know. Just let them take care of canning your tuna. Be sure to ask for the bones back. You can do lots of neat things with tuna bones, such as pierce the tender parts of your body and your friends’ bodies. There will be plenty of bones to go around so don’t be stingy.
Take your can of tuna back to your kitchen and put it in the cupboard. Have a shot of whiskey. Have another shot. By now you’re too hungry to mill flour for bread, so you’ll need a snack. Go to Subway and buy a tuna sub on whole wheat.