News From London (Kentucky)

The sheriff shut down the local adult video store today. This follows the forced closing of the lingerie shop and continues in the great tradition of The Prohibition (of alcohol) which has been in force here since the 1930’s.

According to one local man, the town officials want London to grow but they do not want any of the undesirable elements that come with the added population. London is the county seat and boasts a population of about 5000.

The town lifted the prohibition in certain venues last year, according to the same source. Restaurants are permitted to serve alcohol but not before 2pm on Sundays. I confirmed this myself yesterday when I ordered a beer to go with my lunch of fajitas at the Mexican restaurant near the Interstate.

Another resident was heard referring to the town as “Fundon” because “there’s so damn much to do here.” He later stated that he has never been outside of eastern Kentucky.

In the parking lot of a local business, a bra was found abandoned this morning. Speculation about the perpetrator turned toward the youngest staff member, the same young man who called the town “Fundon.”

Another man in the office, trusting very little in the ability of local law enforcement to track down the guilty parties, suggested “doing with that bra like a glass slipper.”