Just keep screaming “you’ll never take me alive!!” and eventually somebody will try.
Faux affectation is a grand game. An attractive quality is the ability to penetrate the obnoxious pretense of wistfulness, to see the playful wit beneath the mask, to affect oneself in kind, to poke fun at the earnestly loquacious, to parry with garrulous superfluence, to spelunk the mines of deepest English atrocity.
The game ends when a player drinks his own hogwash.